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What •do • are the British like?
They're • quiet • quite people who don't like difficulties in their lives.
They go into their houses and shut the doors and try • forget • to forget that there's a world outside.
They're afraid • by • of waiters, porters, and shop assistants; and they never
• say • are saying that the food in a restaurant is bad or that the clothes in a shop are too expensive.
They don't like to argue with people.
They're very good-natured and believe everything you tell them.
If
• you're telling • you tell them that you come from the moon, they'll ask you what the weather's like there!
But never try to make an Englishman do something • that • what he doesn't want to do.
He'll be as difficult • than • as a donkey.
He won't argue: he'll just say "No!" Although the Englishman's • so • such a quiet person, he becomes • angry • angrily when people don't stand in a queue at a bus-stop, when cats come into his garden, when he must
• to pay • pay his taxes or when his football team doesn't win.
If he feels very • angry, • angrily, he'll write to the newspapers • about • of it.
Some people think that the British are very unfriendly: they never • tell • talk to people they don't know.
But this is • because • although they can't think what to say to them!
It's also because they think it's wrong •talk • to talk to somebody who perhaps wants to • be • been alone.
The Englishman's always very polite.
If people need
• stand up • to stand up in a cinema • so that • because he can get to his seat, he says: Excuse me... Thankyou! Excuse me... Thankyou! to each one.
If he needs •go • to go past twenty people, he says it twenty times!
If he treads on your foot, he'll always say • Sorry • Pardon four or five times.
"I'm sorry. I trod on your foot" "That's all right." "I didn't • saw • see it. I'm sorry."
"It • isn't • doesn't matter." "I'm sorry.
Is your shoe dirty? " "No." "I'm sorry."
Because the Englishman's • so • such polite, some people
• tell • say that he's a very bad boy-friend.
When he goes to • cinema • the cinema with a girl, he doesn't hold her hand: he asks her • if • is the seat's comfortable.
The Englishman believes that people in other countries are much better lovers than • he's: • he is: he thinks that men in Paris and Rome
• spend • take all their lives in night clubs with beautiful women!
The British always •talk • speak foreign languages very • badly. • bad.
They feel very silly when they need • say • to say foreign words, and they say that it's much better • for • by foreigners to learn English.
When the British are abroad, they're always afraid that • someone's going • someone goes to talk to them.
If anyone • will, • does, they answer very loudly in English: they think that foreigners understand them better if •they'll • they speak loudly.
Although they're • rather • quite afraid of foreigners, the British also feel sorry for them.
They think it's very difficult • by• for them that they • weren't • aren't born British!
The quietest Englishman will often behave very • strangely. • strange. •Good-•Well- dressed businessmen fly kites in parks, middle-aged women sing hymns outside pubs; old ladies• ride • drive bicycles across mountains; young men wear flowers in their hair.
There are clubs in Britain for people who think the world's flat; there are clubs for people who like to wear the •clothes • dress of two hundred years ago and fight old wars again!
One of the Englishman's favourite ideas is the 'record'.
He tries to put more people in a telephone box than ever before or stay longer in the bath than ever before.
The Englishman's a strange animal - but • talk • tell to him (he won't talk to you first).
You'll find he's very • friend.•friendly.
He'll tell you all kinds of things • that • what you don't want to know, show • to you • you all kinds of places that you don't want to • go • go to — and perhaps ask you • come •to come to his house for a gup of tea!